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July 31, 2010
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:new::new: Another Edit! My most wonderful bee friend :iconnvrmind91: went over the whole story for me with her editing skillz. :la: So i gave it one final polish before sending it off! Hopefully it's better... In any case, that is my last edit. At least for the forseeable future anyway. :dummy::new::new:

:new:EDIT: Since I need this story for my portfolio, I finally got round to editing and rewriting using the critique I've recieved. I haven't changed a lot, but I have expanded certains bits, taken some uneeded bits away and explained what the frikkin' blobs are! :noes: I took away the line about Cole being the last ghost, since it asked questions that I have no intention of answering in this story and I changed Doyle's dialogue slightly to, hopefully, make him a tiny bit more dimensional. :eager: I'm hoping it flows a bit better too...:iconumplz: so, if you've read the orignal, then please let me know if you think I've improved it! :blowkiss::new:

Oh thank heavens! :faint: I thought I was never going to get finished.

But, many cans of cherry coke, glasses of orange juice, cups of tea and much gothic metal saw me through the literary wilderness! :iconlawooplz:

I actually started this story over a year ago, then got distracted and never wrote more than a page. And I think that leaving it till now to finish it was a good thing, mainly because I'm a much better writer now than I was. And I'm in the midst of a creative phase this summer. :nod:

It's based on a dream I had, waaay over a year ago now. It was an awesome dream, and I wrote it down as soon as I woke up. Of course, there are a lot of things in the story that didn't happen in the dream...and vice versa. In the dream I had a mid air swordfight with the evil scientist...of course that was after I'd sat down for a muffin with the humans I was rescuing. :XD:

Anyway, that aside, I'm pretty pleased with this. Of course, since I, unfortunately, am not perfect neither is my writing. Therefore I must rely on you dear reader to tell me your thoughts!

So for anyone from :iconcritique-it: and anyone else willing to critique:
:bulletgreen: Did it flow well?
:bulletgreen:What did you think of the characters, and the world?
:bulletgreen: Are there any glaring plotholes that I missed? :noes:
:bulletgreen:And the ending...did it work?
:bulletgreen:Also, this is my first attempt at first person POV so did I do okay on that front?

Any critique/ comments are much appreciated and will earn you hugs! :glomp:

EDIT: A DD!? :iconiwantitplz: Oh me oh my! :excited: Thank you! And...YAAY! :iconlawooplz: I am a happy panda now.
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Daily Deviation

Given 2010-12-12
The Guardian by *PandaCat-Productions has superb attention to detail that creates an eerie world and fantastic characters. It is a terrific story from beginning to end. ( Featured by Halatia )
:iconanimelover74:
This was done very well! I love it!
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:iconpandacat-productions:
Thankies very much! :happybounce:
Reply
:iconaoifasd:
aoifasd Aug 23, 2013  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
While i cant give a porper critic, i really enjoyed thie read.
I am also wondering if you have other tales of your universe, i would dearly love to read them :D
Reply
:iconpandacat-productions:
Thank you very much! :heart: Alas, I don't have any more stories set in this world at the moment, though I am planning to write some at some point in the future. :tighthug:
Reply
:iconaoifasd:
aoifasd Oct 9, 2013  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
oki doki  :)
Keep on writting!  :)

Reply
:iconcoleofcentauri:
ColeOfCentauri Jul 15, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I am awestruck at how suspenseful a scene you created. You made it flow and kept me locked in. The choice of unlikely survival or certain death was well thought out, and I was ready for those blobs to prove more than what Sarah thought, with tragic consequences. They did, but not in the way I expected.  

My one criticism is that the part where Sarah recovers, right before she whacks the bad guy, is a little rushed. It was as if you were chugging through writing that scene with such speed and intensity that smoke was coming out of your ears. It felt unrevised. She "started" to do things that didn't get stopped from completion. I think it'd be better if you read it again and thought how best to describe what's happening to her there, whether clearly or vaguely. Besides that, amazing start to finish.


A 96%
5 billy goats outta 5 :D
Reply
:iconpandacat-productions:
:la:Oh me oh mai! Thank you very much!

Ahhhhh, yes, I see where you are coming from. I kinda like it the way it is, but if I were ever to rewrite it again, I may consider changing it. :eager: But for now this story is on the shelf - after three rewrites, I'm not sure I could stand to do another XD Especially after so long. :la:           

5 billy goats :iconshaplz:
Reply
:iconcoleofcentauri:
ColeOfCentauri Jul 27, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Works are never completed, just abandoned, right? Good point, you don't wanna wind up with Greedo shooting first. :D
Reply
:iconaegiskhaos:
AegisKHAOS Jul 8, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I got a story. Long ago (as in five minutes), some guy across the ocean stumbled upon this story by chance. He thought he was a pretty decent writer by the fact no one has face palmed his stuff. Then he read this, and a bolt of lightning suddenly struck (because the city so happens to be under a storm, complete with pockets of floods, and power outages... seriously, no one was expecting it to be this bad, though it could have been much worse)... he absolutely sucks. With that revelation, he faved this thing, made chicken, and lived happily ever after. Well, until he goes back to work.

The end.

Epilogue: He wants to draw your Guardian.
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:iconpandacat-productions:
:iconrlyplz: What a beautiful and bittersweet story! I thank you very much! I've been feeling kinda meh about my writing lately, so your comment made me a happy panda. :happybounce: And I am sure you don't suck! :tighthug:

:eager: I would be delighted if you drew her!
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