Another Edit! My most wonderful bee friend went over the whole story for me with her editing skillz. So i gave it one final polish before sending it off! Hopefully it's better... In any case, that is my last edit. At least for the forseeable future anyway. EDIT: Since I need this story for my portfolio, I finally got round to editing and rewriting using the critique I've recieved. I haven't changed a lot, but I have expanded certains bits, taken some uneeded bits away and explained what the frikkin' blobs are! I took away the line about Cole being the last ghost, since it asked questions that I have no intention of answering in this story and I changed Doyle's dialogue slightly to, hopefully, make him a tiny bit more dimensional. I'm hoping it flows a bit better too... so, if you've read the orignal, then please let me know if you think I've improved it!
Oh thank heavens!
I thought I was never going to get finished.
But, many cans of cherry coke, glasses of orange juice, cups of tea and much gothic metal saw me through the literary wilderness!
I actually started this story over a year ago, then got distracted and never wrote more than a page. And I think that leaving it till now to finish it was a good thing, mainly because I'm a much better writer now than I was. And I'm in the midst of a creative phase this summer.
It's based on a dream I had, waaay over a year ago now. It was an awesome dream, and I wrote it down as soon as I woke up. Of course, there are a lot of things in the story that didn't happen in the dream...and vice versa. In the dream I had a mid air swordfight with the evil scientist...of course that was after I'd sat down for a muffin with the humans I was rescuing.
Anyway, that aside, I'm pretty pleased with this. Of course, since I, unfortunately, am not perfect neither is my writing. Therefore I must rely on you dear reader to tell me your thoughts!
So for anyone from
and anyone else willing to critique:
Did it flow well?
What did you think of the characters, and the world?
Are there any glaring plotholes that I missed?
And the ending...did it work?
Also, this is my first attempt at first person POV so did I do okay on that front?
Any critique/ comments are much appreciated and will earn you hugs! EDIT: A DD!? Oh me oh my! Thank you! And...YAAY! I am a happy panda now.